Bad Romance
by Stalker Status
Summary: Corruption and Embarrassment has arrived on Gaia, as the ladies and gentlemen have placed bets with one another. Winner will get out free and alive, as losers, will face Ultimate humiliation. Who WILL win? Pairings: Cloti Zerith and Attempted Yuffitine.
1. I've had a little bit too much

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy Franchises. All Rights goes to Square Enix.**

**BACKGROUND: This ingenious story was written by Micky r3mix and Aergiia, Greatest collaboration ever. **

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><p><strong>"<strong>Girls! I don't know what I should get for Zackie on Valentine's day," said Aerith. She sighed and leaned on the countertop of 7th Heaven. Tifa scoffed inaudibly as she wiped a glass cup clean. Hearing the subject of the conversation, Yuffie bounced up in her seat and chirped.

**"**Give him what he always wanted! Your virginity!" joked Yuffie, and then she sighed dramatically, overexaggerating her swoon. "It's every man's lifelong goal."

**"**Yuffie, please I have more class than that. I believe that sex is something saved for marriage," Aerith explained innocently. Again Tifa scoffed and Yuffie rolled her eyes.

**"**Marriage? Please, who thinks about marriage before they are 30?" asked Tifa curiously. She filled up their glasses with wine and sat down next to them, never mind that Yuffie was underage- not like anybody cared, however.

**"**Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Tifa on this one. Besides we are still young, fresh, and H-O-T!" hollered the thief, joyful over her first cup of alcohol. Aerith swatted her hand away from the immoral drink, earning her the fakest pout anyone had seen from Yuffie.

The flower keeper huffed indignantly. "I think Zack is respectful enough to my decisions and wishes."

**"**Then why was he flirting with Cissnei the other day?" whined Yuffie, clearly already drunk from her illegally obtained wine. Tifa smiled knowingly.

**"**That pig!" Aerith gasped. "I mean, w-why would he do that?"

**"**Because he hasn't been getting laid for I don't know how long?" pointed out Yuffie.

**"**Since dating Aerith?" chuckled Tifa, at this point she has set down her glass and giggled uncontrollably.

**"**Zack wouldn't be unfaithful..." Aerith defended herself.

**"**Girl, please. That man is horny as a dog in heat! Have you seen the way he talks to other girls? You would think he's 'been around,' if you know what I mean," Yuffie smirked and burst out laughing once again with Tifa.

**"**What are you laughing at, you've been desperately in love with Cloud since you were in diapers and yet, nothing. Sorry, but you are worst than that bitch over there," Yuffie pointed at Aerith, who frowned in disdain at the remark.

**"**Well, how about you Yuffie? Vampire obsession much? You been stalking Vincent and stealing his stuff. Stiffing it too! How creepy is that?"

**"**Vampires are hot okay? Have you not read Twilight? And hey! How do you know I sniff his stuff?"

**"**That's a secret," Tifa whispered as she nonchalantly sipped her wine.

**"**Hey, you still haven't return my Twilight series," the flower keeper realized belatedly.

**"**Hun, you aren't going to get them back," snickered the brunette fighter.

However, it was at this precise moment that Yuffie, in her drunken stupor, hatched her brilliant idea.

**"**Ladies, I think we should make more interesting. How about a bet?"

**"**A bet?" Both of the sober women looked at each other.

**"**Whoever gets into their man's pants first wins!" Yuffie shouted loud enough for the entire bar to hear.

**"**Yuffie, I told you that I don't believe in sex before marriage!"

**"**Aerith, obviously you aren't going to get married." Aerith blinked, obviously feeling the unintentional (or was it?) jab from the thief.

**"**What was that?" she whispered coldly. Yuffie heroically pointed to the ceiling and stood on her stool.

**"**Everybody knows that the key to a man's heart is how well you are in bed!" She almost lost her footing as she said it, but luckily managed to regain her balance with a well-aimed smack from Tifa. Aerith remained silent through the whole fiasco as Tifa watched, clearly amused.

**"**You're stalling too much, boring the crap out of Zack," she continued, making incoherent hand gestures as though it would help with her explanation. "He's going to run over to Cissnei and BAM!"

she clapped loudly, her face set into a mockingly grim expression, "You guys are over."

Aerith sat still as she slowly processed everything that her little friend had said. If it was just any other man, she could easily say that Yuffie was young and naive and knew nothing about true love... but the flower keeper thought to all the times Zack would occasionally sigh on their dates and try (and failing miserably) to hit on the waitresses. But unbeknownest to Aerith, Zack was merely troubled that he received the wrong order and failed to gain their attention.

**"**Fine," she said. Her mind was resolved. "I accept your friendly bet." Yuffie and Aerith turned to the last of the trio, who has remained mostly silent the entire time. The barkeeper crossed her arms in defense.

**"**I'm not doing it," Tifa said. "This is stupid."

**"**Tifa, if Zack doesn't get laid with Aerith and they break up, there is a chance that she is going to hit on Cloud." Suddenly the fire was lit in her eyes as she spun to face Aerith.

**"**Oh hell no bitch. Back off."

**"**Please, you two aren't even dating."

**"**You don't know that," she huffed. "Fine, I too will accept this bet." Unfortunately, Yuffie had something more in store for them. **  
><strong>**"**Let's make it even more interesting. The losers have to do something embarrassing."**  
><strong>

**"**What?"

**"**In Tifa's case, you have to dress up in your slutty cow girl outfit and you **HAVE** to grind on Cloud." Yuffie grinned.

**"**That's embarrassing!" Tifa laughed nervously. Did she really have to grind on the boy she had always admired?

**"**As for Aerith... You have to pee on your flowers!"

**"**I AM NOT GOING TO PEE ON MY FLOWERS!" shouted the flower vendor, displeasure in her eyes.

**"**Nope, its only fair." The ninja smiled.

**"**How about you Yuffie?" Aerith asked.

**"**I don't know, make a challenge for me!"

**"**I got it!" exclaimed Tifa, with so much delight on her face. "Yuffie, you have to give away free materias."

**"**Oh, fuck no!" Yuffie backed up against the wall.

**"**Too bad, its only fair," mimicked Aerith, and thus their war began.

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><p>AN: This story was written a month ago, during our winter break. (THE ENTIRE STORY IS FINISHED, but I will update gradually.)

We hope you enjoy, review, and favorite it! I Love reading and writing stories about random bets and maybe you guys too!


	2. Let's have some fun, this beat is sick

**Ch 2: Let's have some fun this beat is sick!**

**A/N: this chapter is one of Aergiia's babies. She wrote this while playing Dragon Nest at 2AM in the morning (applauds please.)**

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><p><strong>"<strong>So, Valentine day is coming up. Are you going to do anything with your sweeties?" Zack the Puppy, as his mentor nicknamed him, leaned against the wall and winked at Shera.

**"**I don't have a girlfriend..." mumbled Cloud. Vincent indirectly agreed.

**"**I'm not interested in girls."

**"**Why are you assholes at my house?" Cid screamed, obviously displeased at Zack's flirting with his wife. "Woman, get back into the kitchen and make me my sandwich!" Unfortunately for the air pilot, the trio ignored him.

**"**I knew Vincent was gay!" whined Zack, casually slinging his arm around Shera's shoulders.

**"**No, I mean, really? I'm a 60 year old guy trap in a 27 year old body. You have Aerith, and Cloud is still a woman around Tifa. All that's left is Yuffie. She's young enough to be my granddaughter."

**"**Vincent... when was the last time you got laid?"

**"**..."

**"**Exactly my point," said Zack. "Gentlemen, I am thinking that, this Valentine's Day, we should man up and just get laid!"

**"**Um, no."

**"**Um, yes!"

**"**I'm not doing it."

**"**Vincent..." Zack looked over to both of his boys. "Cloud..."

**"**What the fuck is going on? If you fuckers have time to fuck around with my home and my wife then get the fuck out, you fucking shits!"

**"**Those boys here won't get laid!" Zack whined.

**"**Wow, you pussies. Sex is like the greatest thing that could ever happen to a man."

**"**I know right? Cid help me convince these two that sex is amazing!"

**"**Hmmm... Then why not make a bet?"

**"**A bet... that's freaking genius!" Zack whooped.

**"**Um, no..."

**"**Whoever gets laid first wins! If Cloud loses then he has to cross-dress and dance in Seventh Heaven, while Vincent has to admit that he's a part of Team Jacob."

**"**Zack, you are ridiculous."

**"**Shut the fuck up!" Cid grunted. "I think this is fucking brilliant! You assholes are all just pussies!"

**"**..."

**"**How about this boys, if you two don't take part of this bet, then Vincent I am going to take your Twilight books and BURN THE FUCK OUT OF THEM! And Cloud if you don't, I'm going to tell Tifa that at one point you thought her boobs were fake and felt like sandbags!" Cloud and Vincent choked simultaneously. Looking between the two, Zack made a smug expression.

**"**Well then, the bet is on my boys!" the Puppy happily announced.


	3. Pokerface to my Love Game

**Ch 3: Pokerface to my Love Game. (THE CLOTI CASE)  
><strong>  
>"Cloud?"<p>

"Mhm?"

"I.. I want to ask you something."

"Sure, what is it?" Tifa closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Maybe we should get some booze out first." The barmaid suggested.

Cloud nodded. "Alright."

"Also, I want to play a game." She got the red wine out of the cabinet, along with two glasses.

"A.. game?"

"Yeah! Yuffie, Vincent, you and I are going to play a friendly game of poker."

"But where is Yuffie and Vincent?" asked Cloud, frowning at how Tifa was apparently missing the fact that it was just the two of them tonight. His lover looked thoughtful for a moment, still apparently a little tipsy from her wine earlier in the day.

"Good question," she hummed.

"How about we play something that isn't gambling?"

"What's wrong, Strife? Afraid to lose some gils?"

"No, it's just that poker isn't fun with just two people."

"Well, lets make it a challenge then."

"Hmm?"

"Strip. Poker." Cloud blinked. _Was Tifa always like this? She slightly slurred her words... Hm... so maybe she's drunk.  
><em>  
>"Uh..."<p>

"Afraid of losing, Strife?"

Strange, he thought. But pleasant. Cloud thought that this was a nice change in pace. He smirked. "Nope. Let's go."

**Two hours later...  
><strong>  
>By now the bottle was nearly empty, and Tifa was down to her black bra and shorts as Cloud was sporting just his pants. "Heeeey!" hiccuped Tifa. "You can't do that! That's.. cheatiiing!"<p>

"Of course I-" hic- "can."

"And why'ss daat?"

"Because... I looveeee youuuu," he slurred. Red faced and partially nude, Tifa and Cloud stared at each other's uncharacteristic speech and laughed at the same time.

Seeing that they were both drunk, Cloud decided to make the first move. He leaned in closer to her face, he could smell the horrible stench of alcohol from her mouth. And within that split second...

"BLAGGHH!" Tifa had threw up on the blond soldier. "Oh my god, Cloud! I am so terribly sorry."

"It's okay Tifa..." he wiped the colorful vomit off his face, the brunette woman took a rag from the counter top and chimed in to help wash her mess off him. She carefully rubbed the rag against his face, hoping that the terrible odor would vanish, but doing so, the tables have turned and she had made the first move by kissing him.

"Give me a mo'," he smiled. "I'll meet you in the bed room."

He scurried into his office to remove his pants, and to put his phone away so that nothing would interrupt their special night. Just as he opened his door, he saw a shirtless Vincent and Yuffie on his (other) bed. Cloud blinked again and shrugged. Must be the alcohol talking to him... _Oh, right! Tifa time.  
><em>  
><strong>The next morning...<br>**  
>"Hey Cloud..." Still groggy from last night, Cloud opened his eyes and saw that he was holding Tifa in his arms.<p>

"Hey," he grunted. Embarrassed of this situation, he released her and turn to the other side of the bed, ashamed of the previous night.

"What... happened last night?" She turned on the opposite side of the bed, also ashamed.

"I don't remember..."

"Me neither. Did we.. you know...fondle?" Tifa laughed nervously. She looked underneath her sheets, and found herself to be naked.

"I think so..." Cloud scratched his head.

"I think so too..."

"Funny story, I think I saw Vincent and Yuffie have sex in my office when I was drunk." He tried to avoid the awkwardness of the situation.

"Shit!" Tifa screamed. "No! No! No! NO!"

"Hmm?" Cloud questioned as he turned and faced Tifa's backside. He noticed how smooth it was, and his hormones were kicking in again. "What's wrong?"

"I.. heh. Made a stupid bet with the girls. And It seems that I lost." she stated out bluntly.

"Haha, I can understand what you mean..." He didn't question her what the bet was, he exactly knew how she felt at this point. "Well, you know what? Whatever happened last night was great! I don't think it would ever happen if I was sober."  
><strong><br>****"**I know right?" she chuckled. "Well at least we used protection right?"  
><strong><br>****"**Shit..."

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><p><strong>AN: I say this was one of the hardest chapters we had to come up with. So many debates, should we make CloTi cute or disastrous? In the end, we agree: No, the title is called Bad Romance, therefore everything must be funny. **


	4. That boy is a Monster

**Ch 4: That Boy is a Muh-muh-muh Monster. (Zerith's case)**

**"**Hey Aerith! Ready for our Valentine romance?"**  
>"<strong>Hey Zack, uh huh!"

They leaned towards each other for a peck on the lips, while the girls who were nearby made disgusted faces. Holding hands, Zack and Aerith left towards a restaurant in town. **  
><strong>After sitting down to a lovely dinner, they made idle chatter but eventually became silent after running out of things to say. Zack popped the silence. "So?" Aerith jumped up in her seat.

"So?" she blinked.  
>"How's your meal?"<strong><br>"**Excellent!" **  
>"<strong>Haha that's great, how about we head down to the beach after dinner?" Aerith beamed.**  
>"<strong>Sounds like a plan!"

And so they went to the beach, but alas, Zack's hopes were slashed as usual when they were kissing; he moved his hands toward her waist and tried to slip in a tongue but...

**"**Zack... No..."**  
>"<strong>Urgh, Aerith! I think that we should take our relationship to the next level."**  
>"<strong>Zack... Please..." **  
>"<strong>UGH! Whatever."

But suddenly Aerith remembered what Yuffie had said: "_He's going to run over to Cissnei and BAM! You guys are over_." Tensing up, she slung her arms around his neck and tentatively leaned in, still remaining silent.

**"**Aerith...?"**  
>"<strong>... Zack, I'm sorry. I'm just... nervous..."**  
>"<strong>..." Zack furtively wrapped his arms around her and and rested his cheek in her hair. "I'm sorry too. I guess I was a little impatient." Aerith smiled.

**"**I'm ready now." Zack smiled back. Time to take this show to the road!

He carried her to his motorcycle and rode back to the Seventh Heaven. Running upstairs in hopes of finding an empty room, Zack accidentally strolled in Cloud's office, but it was mess. Shaking his head he passed by Tifa's room and cringed.

The noises that were meant to be rated R was going on in Tifa's room. He could hear the repetitive bed banging against the wall as Tifa squeals Cloud's name in delight and pleasure.

**"**_Dammit_!" he thought. Two rooms down and still no luck. Belatedly, he turned down the hallway and snuck a peek in the last room, spotting flowers and toys and the like; the kid's room. Gulping, Zack had a brief battle of morals.

Needless to say, that was all the battle was- brief. "..._Bingo_," he thought. "Aerith!" he whispered. "In here!"

**The next morning... **

**"**Tifa! Why is Uncle Zack and Aunt Aerith naked in my bed?" asked Marlene. **  
>"<strong>Shit..." Zack gulped. Aerith glared at him.**  
>"<strong>Zack? This room doesn't belong to who I think it does, does it?"**  
>"<strong>Double shit..."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Haha, Another chapter is finally posted after what? One Month? Like me and Aegiia said before, we already finished the entire story, it's just... We rather take our time and post each chapter slooooooooooooooooooooooowly :D<strong>

**Please enjoy and review! **


	5. I'm just a Holy Fool

Ch 5: I'm just a Holy Fool (Aerith's punishment)

Aerith fumbled with the hem of her dress. "Do I really have to do this?" In disbelief, she turned to her supposed friends for comfort, only to be met with their grim expressions.

"Yes," Tifa deadpanned. If she was squealing with glee at her rival's demise, her face didn't show it.

"Whenever you're ready!" hollered Yuffie, camcorder in hand. Aerith paled.

"Do you have to record it too?"

"YES! Now get on with it!" they both chimed. Aerith cringed and faced her beloved flowers. Her beloved flowers, which she had painstakingly raised since she was a little girl. But a bet was a bet, and she lost... and now she must uphold her end of the bargain. Making the first step onto her flowerbed, her friends became impatient.

"Anytime now!" chirped Tifa. She smiled and folded her hands behind her back. She couldn't wait to distribute copies to Zack and co. later. Aerith shot her the dirtiest look she could muster, which wasn't much considering her upbringing.

"Shut up! I'm on it!" Aerith raised the hem of her skirt and squatted over the newly sprouted seedlings.

The only sound that filled the church that evening was that of one Aerith Gainsborough urinating on her flowers.

Drip drip spatter spatter-

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><p><strong>AN: It's finally up! Aegiia's 2nd baby. I know these chapters are short because, well, short stories are more fun to read without losing your attention spam. :D Chapter 6 will be up in 2059. Jk, maybe soon if the readers wants me to update faster. **


	6. I'm a Free Bitch

**Ch 6: I'm a free Bitch Baby. (Zack's punishment)**

**"**Angeal." His mentor briskly nodded.

**"**Zack."

**"**... Why are you here? Where's Vincent and the others?" Angeal, who appeared basically like a much older version of Zack, only nodded again with a hint of amusement in his eyes.

**"**Well, about that," he said. "I happened to, ah, _overhear_how you lost your bet from a certain someone and decided that now's a good time, as your teacher, to step in."

**"**_Oh that's awesome!_**" **thought Zack. "_Surely Angy will save me from this._**" **The First Class SOLDIER jumped up and down in joy until he noticed Angeal pull a certain suit from his duffel bag.

It was a puppy suit...

"HEY I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HELP ME!" cried the SOLDIER. "Aren't you on my side?" Angeal scoffed.

**"**I AM on your side," he explained. "I am merely helping you with your punishment you see. With this," he gestured to the puppy suit, "your end of the bargain will move even more smoothly since you're... you know... already a puppy and everything. And besides," seeing Zack's demeanor becoming increasingly darker, Angeal rushed, "do you have _any _idea how much this suit costs? I've been waiting forever to use it!" Whoops. Angeal took a couple steps back when he saw realization slowly dawning on Zack's face.

"YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS?" screamed the SOLDIER.

_Well... He was going to find out sooner than later anyway_, thought Angeal. It was a good thing he had mako in his bloodstream to help him run.

_**Some time later~**_

"Zack," said Cloud.

**"**Zack," said Vincent. Angeal looked at him sternly and joined in.

**"**Za-"

**"**Shut up already! And you!" pointing at Angeal, Zack shouted, "You have no right to say anything!" Mr. Angeal Hewley smiled anyway.

**"**You must understand, Puppy. It's important that I properly commemorate this event," taking out a camera, Angeal gave a thumbs up sign to signal that he was ready. "Genesis and Sephiroth would love to see this. Now... bark!"

**"**FUCK YOU HEWLEY-"

**"**You heard the man, Zack! NOW BARK!" Cloud was just having too much fun with this. His friendship with Zack Fair went a long way back, and he was one of the few people he had opened up to during his time with Shinra. Zack harshly bit back on his lower lip and groaned.

"... Bow-yippy-fucking-wow," he groaned again. Angeal nodded furiously, happy at the footage he was getting from this rare moment, vigorously giving more thumbs up signs than was necessary. Oh, did he forget to mention that his little Puppy was wearing the suit he bought him? Hewley couldn't be anymore happier.

"And now," Vincent said in a low voice, knowing that Yuffie was at the church with her camcorder, "You must proceed to Miss Aerith Grainsborough's church and urinate on her flowers." As if unable to take anymore of the embarrassment, Zack spun around and promptly proceeded to cry (mind you, they were manly tears. Zackary Fair _never _cries over smilt milk... or in this case, soon-to-be-spilled urine).

**XxXxXxXXxX**

**"**Hey Zack!" greeted the friendly ninja with a camcorder in her hand.

**"**Yuffie! What are you doing here?" The former ex-soldier was shocked to see her. "And why do you have a camera?"

**"**Vinnie asked me if I could record this glorious moment!"

Not one word escaped his mouth.

**"**Smile now!" she laughed.

**"**This is embarrassing!" Zack covered his face, trying to avoid the most evil weapon of all time, a digital camcorder. "Vincent, can we not do this in front a of a girl?"

**"**Whats the matter, Fair? Afraid of me seeing your wee wee?" she poked at him. "Don't worry about it, I'm just taping you from the side. Aerith told me it wasn't worth looking at. That or it's unnoticeable..."

Speechless by her remark, Zack Fair was upset to hear Aerith's thoughts. He didn't think he was THAT small..

**"**Enough talking, Zack. Proceed," the vampire stated.

The puppy began walking towards the flowers, trying his best not to step on Aerith's precious flowers.

**"**Oh careful, Aerith pissed there this morning." Yuffie warned with a giggle drawn on her face.

**"**..." The man in the puppy suit sighed as he zipped down his fly. "I'm sorry Aerith... Forgive me."

The awkward tension built up as Zack Fair's urinated on the beautiful flowers that Aerith used her sweat and blood to grow.

**"**Whoa it really IS small!" Yuffie yelled. "If you want to know what big is, sleep with Sephiroth."

**"**SHUT UP YUFFIE."

Ashamed, Aerith cried herself to sleep later that night as much as she tried not to.

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><p><strong>Micky R3mix's Note: As I proofread and uploaded this chapter, I couldn't help but laugh. This Chapter Seems SO EMBARRASSING. Aegiia... I've known you since 8th grade... and I do not realize your capabilities of... writing. LOL<strong>

**ANYWAYS... All credit for this chapter goes to Aegiia...  
><strong>

**Next chapter is written by Aegiia and I. KEKE**


	7. Don't Be a Drag, Just be a Queen

**Ch 7: Don't be a drag, just be a Queen (Cloud's Punishment)**

"Oh Spiky, you're a darling," drawled Zack, one of Cloud's only friends. The former first class SOLDIER twirled a strand of hair from Cloud's head and flashed his signature smirk. "If I hadn't known any better I would have asked you out for a date by now."

"You ask every girl you meet for a date within five seconds of meeting them, Zackary," Vincent deadpanned. Knowing the vampire for as long as they have, it seems there will never be a day when he doesn't speak like he's bored out of his mind.

Silently fuming, Cloud adjusted one of his puffy shoulder sleeves. Never again did he think that he would have to wear this blasted dress in front of everyone. He could still hear the chatter from downstairs in the bar, but alas that stupid thief's voice floated upstairs.

"Tonight we have a special event that I've been saving for you all! Some of you may find it nostalgic, some may find it offensive, but hell as long as I like it all is well! Please welcome Miss Strife!"

"Now's your cue, Spikey! Or should I say, Cutie?" Zack winked at his friend, only to earn a mako punch to his shoulder. "OW! I was kidding, Spike! No need to get all saucy..." Cloud mentally rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Zack," and with that he cringed his way down the stairs to meet his fate and immediately met with a clearly drunken crowd... all of which were men. Yuffie winked at him.

"Do your thing!" she mouthed. Cloud frowned. "You know, that thing!" Crossing his arms in a defensive manner, Cloud walked into the middle of the room and ignored Yuffie's urging to do the "thing," whatever that was, forcefully pushing her camcorder away.

"Hey what was that for?"

"For being a... bitch," mumbled Cloud in an uncharacteristic manner.

"Whoaaa, who's that chick?"

"Damn she has a nice ass..."

"Somebody's blind," he thought. Not seeing Tifa or the kids anywhere in the bar, Cloud let out a sigh of relief. "... Won't they won't know won't hurt them," he reasoned, and began to dance much to the drunken praise of the crowd.

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><p><strong>AN: A new Month, a New Chapter, keke. Thanks for everyone's support, reviews, and favoriting this story. It was really, a 2AM story that Aegiia and I wrote because of random boredom.**

**The End is near, for there are only 2 more Chapters, Tifa's Case, and the Brilliant ending. I shouldn't tell you guys this, but I am planning to write a sequel/spin off of this story for FFX. By myself. :( Aegiia has been busy, so this will be a solo work.**


	8. Government Hooker

**Ch 8: Government Hooker (Tifa's Punishment)**

"I don't think this outfit fits me anymore. I grew like two boobs sizes or something..." Tifa stated as she tried to squeeze into the outfit she once wore as a teenager.

"Nonsense," Yuffie held out her camcorder. "Now smile for the camera!"

"No, why do I have to get recorded too?"

"Shut up and slut up Tifa!" Aerith shouted impatiently. Obviously she was still bitter over the fact that she had just peed on her beloved flowers.

"I just want to say that I really hate you guys." She pushed the camera out.

"Aww, we love you too Tifa." Yuffie said with a big grin on her face. She held the camcorder closer to Tifa's face then drew it closer to the barmaid's breasts. "God, your boobs look like they are going to explode. Like Katy Perry's boobs!"

She shook her head trying to ignore Yuffie's comment and began walking downstairs from her home to Seventh Heaven. Every move she made, she could feel that her outfit tightening up as if any moment now they would rip leading her to the embarrassment of her life.

The battle between her and the stairs was tougher than fighting any enemy she had ever faced, luckily she was victorious as she finally made it down to the bar with her outfit in one piece.

A couple of whistles were made by majority of her customers, how embarrassing and slutty she felt that moment. She scanned the room for the blond soldier, but no luck.

"Girls he's not in here. So can I take off this ridiculous outfit now?" Tifa asked impatiently.

"Nope!" shouted the ninja with glee.

"I see him!" Aerith pointed out at a pretty blonde woman in a purple dress.

"Aerith, that's a woman..."

"Nope! It's Cloud!"

"What?"

"He lost a bet to the boys too. Apparently they had the same idea we had."

"No way."

"Yes way. Vincent told me that Cloud was being such a girl when it came to you. We had to threaten him to sleep with you." "Oh Tifa, you know that he has the hots for you since forever right?"

"Actually, no."

"Can we cut the chit chat? Tifa, I pissed on my flowers, now it's your turn to whore around."

Tifa drew in closer with the fair blond maiden who was prancing around in Seventh Heaven. Most of the customers in there were too drunk to even notice that that maiden was actually a man.

She approached closer to the she-male and was in disbelief that it was Cloud Strife himself. However she continued to pretend and went along with Cloud's cross dressing.

"Mind if I dance with you?" She asked the beautiful blond.

"Uh... sure..." he muttered shyly.

The crowd was getting even more crazy as Tifa begins to grind against the cross dresser.

"Uhh.. Tifa..." his face was getting redder by the moment and the room began to feel even hotter.

"I know Cloud... I lost my bet too. Here's my punishment." She shook her head.

Still unaware that the blond chick was Cloud Strife, the audiences were on their feet, wanting a lesbian kiss they all shouted: "Kiss!"

The duo finally gave into the crowd's request and gave each other a heterosexual kiss. These men, and their friends went wild all over the bar.

Unfortunately, the moment was killed when Denzel and Marlene walked into the bar from school to find that their guardians were dressed up in ridiculous outfits. Tifa turned away from the children for she is too ashamed to let them see her like this as Cloud shield his face, not wanting to let the children be misled that he was a creepy cross dresser.

Denzel finally walked up to his embarrassed 'mother' and hero. Only one comment escaped out of his mouth. "What the fu-"

"Don't even think about finishing that sentence, young man."

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><p><strong>AN: One MORE Chapter left, however just to tease you, I decided to upload that chapter later ;)  
><strong>

**LOL Shiet, I forgotten about updating this chapter, oopsies, anyways...  
><strong>

**Bad news: There will be no FFX version of this story. I've been busy with school work, and I think that this plot should only be used for FFVII more because of the characters. **


	9. Don't Call my name, Don't call my name!

**Chapter 9: Don't call my name, don't call my name, Kisaragi! (Yuffetine)**

**"So, Vincent, this is stupid, but I made a bet with the girls that I would have sex with you before Valentine's day. Or else I have to give my materias up like charity."**

"Ah, I see. Well same goes with you. I too placed a bet that I would have intercourse with you before Valentine's day, if I don't... I have to admit to the entire planet, that I am on Team Jacob."

"Oh my Leviathan! You read Twilight too?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, but I am forever on Team Edward."

"Me too! Vincent, this is true love!"

"Well," he chuckled. Maybe this bet wasn't bad... and sleeping with Yuffie wasn't the worst thing possible- in the literal sense of course. "I suppose we will commence our plans to win this bet?" he questioned, holding his arm out to gesture in a vague direction of their "plan."

"Yeah!" yipped Yuffie, giddy that the vampire was willing to cooperate with her. "And I have the perfect idea too. Follow me!"

**~~~ Time passes, there's too much of these time passing stuff ~~~**

Vincent and Yuffie found themselves in Cloud's office.

"Yuffie, you are not truly serious about having intercourse in Strife's office, are you?" Yuffie waved a hand in amusement.

"Of course not! No offense Vincent, but are you.. 60. That's kind of old."

"Then what do you propose?" He asked curiously.

"All we have to do is make it look like we had sex, and voila- we win," grinned the thief. "All we have to do is get in his bed and wait for Mr. and Mrs. Can't-Get-It-On to come home and see us and we're done!" Vincent blinked.

"...Ah," he said at last. He had to admit it was quite clever. "Very well. Let us lay together then."

**-**  
>After all the punishments have been dealt to the respective parties, Yuffie and Vincent smiled to themselves knowingly.<p>

"Do you think they'll ever figure it out?" whispered Yuffie.

Holding a new copy of the latest Twilight installment, Vincent chuckled. "I suppose I will let them know when my time comes."

"But that's like a bajillion years from now!"

"Exactly," Vincent smiled and began reading his book. "What are you planning on doing now that the bet has finished, Yuffie?"

The thief thought for a moment and grinned wickedly. Running up to the group, she yelled, "Hey guys! I just got this brilliant idea..."

The End?

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><p><strong>Author's Final Note: That's it for this story \o **

**Although Aergiia and I have Finished this story a year ago ;~; I'm a terrible updater. So sorry to Ze readers that it took so long. **


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